Overcoming Our Wounds

Friday, Jun. 26, 2015

I recently suffered a pinched nerve in my back that made my arm radiate pain. I thought God was testing me because it started during Holy Week. I hoped that my torment would end on Easter Sunday, but it didn’t; it just got worse. When I finally went to the doctor, he confirmed a condition that had been mentioned in my childhood: scoliosis. I am grateful to the physical therapist who has been straightening me out.

My mild scoliosis can be a metaphor for many things in life. For example, some things that start small when we are young grow until they are so big and so painful that we realize something is wrong and we need help to fix ourselves.    

Father Richard Rohr writes about these moments of discovery in our lives, that most if not all of us carry wounds that were afflicted by our father or mother when we were young and most vulnerable. We come to realize that our parents were mortal and that in certain ways how they raised us either did not help us or hurt us at times in our development. When we are ready, we open ourselves to healing these wounds so we can forgive our parents (even if they have died) and move on with our life. To do this, we need not involve our parents, because they most likely would be hurt by the idea that they failed in their parenthood in some ways, which is not point. We work not to change them, but to change ourselves. 

Many might think that as adults we should all just get over what may have happened in the past; however, these wounds often affect us today. Just as the curvature of my back caused pain and numbness, symptoms that pointed out significant physical issues I needed to face, in a personal life symptoms such as failed relationships, depression, chronic anger, inability to trust, addiction, co-dependence, eating disorders, or low self-esteem can point to unhealed psychological wounds.

According to Freud, our concept of God is initially formed from our relationship with our human father. I wonder if the declining numbers of those attending church has to do with the high rate of divorce and the large number of children who don’t have a father figure in their life. If we project the relationship that we had with our earthly father onto God, it can keep us outside of the doors of any faith community. If our earthly father didn’t love us, we might wonder why our heavenly Father would care.  

 However, our relationship with God can heal us; he can be the father we wanted or needed. Our desire for a loving father may draw us into a deeper relationship with God and help us to heal the relationship with our earthly father.   

A part of seminary formation involves self-analysis that requires us to deal with our childhood issues as we learn how to minister in various settings to all sorts of different people. We deal with our issues with the help of a spiritual director, adviser or psychologist. We relate to others from the knowledge that we gain from our own experiences. As we come to understand how we project our personal issues onto others or situations, we become more aware of our own hang-ups, prejudices, or blindness. This is a continual process, but it is a necessary part of formation for any minister, because learning how to help others must first involve knowing ourselves.  

As each of us matures emotionally and spiritually, we become more aware of our faults, our wounds, our fragility, and our sins. We are also more forgiving of others. We seek God to help and heal us through prayer, the sacraments, our works of charity, and our relationships. We gain a greater sense of peace because we rely on God and His forgiveness. We need His help and the help of those who have walked the journey. As my physical therapist told me, we turn our bodies toward the pain to seek healing. Until we face our problems, we cannot begin to heal.